Agnor was a nervous wreck.
Being apprenticed to Niami ("Mum") DenMother was a dream come true for the coldain ... usually.
However, a bit of spring fever had hit early this year, and he slacked off on his event duties when Brewday rolled around. After all, they'd been working like fiends to sort out new goodies from the Ethernere, Frostfell and Erollisi Day. Didn't they deserve to relax a bit on Brewday?
Mum had taken a dim view of his "flu" and warned him that Bristlebane Day was right around the corner -- and that she happened to be a self-appointed High Priestess of Mischief.
Some folks thought she was losing her touch, and that he had nothing to worry about. "You'll be fine! She's getting mellow in her old age, if the last couple of years are any indication."
Try as he might, though, Agnor just couldn't relax as the first day of the celebration dawned.
Breakfast was a quiet affair, as Mum ate while looking over the flier announcing the celebration. Already paranoid, Agnor ignored the lovely breakfast spread out on the table and fixed himself a slice of dry toast.
"Nae appetite today, lad? Ah well, all th' more frae me!" Mum reached for another helping of sausage and eggs, an angelic look on her face.
"I need ye tae start wi' this new bounce race in Sinking Sands, an' keep running it until ye can bring back twa o' each reward type. I'll want ye tae model one set tonight, an' th' other set is frae me. When ye're done wi' that, I'll want ye tae do th' same wi' th' Snack Snatcher race in th' Enchanted Lands. We'll meet frae dinner down at th' pub, as I'll need yuir help wi' teaching someone a needed lesson. Meanwhile, I'll work on th' crafting side o' things.
Great. Mum was going to play dress up, using him as an animate mannequin again. Well, it wasn't his favorite thing to do, but it couldn't be too bad, could it? That couldn't be all there was to her planned revenge ... could it?
Once he arrived at the Sinking Sands, he manfully resisted the urge to harvest the nodes scattered around, and headed over to the "bounce race".
It looked absolutely silly.
Possibly fun, but definitely silly, and he knew he'd look beyond ludicrous in the jester's outfit that was the reward. Maybe he could hide his face behind a mask, instead of wearing the silly jester's cap.
Ah well, the sooner started, the sooner begun. Surely he could suspend his dignity long enough to manage running the simple race a few times and scooping up the rewards.
"Send away your mount, step onto the plate, and when the timer starts, run for the nearest cube, and use it to launch yourself up into the air. See those folks there? The little ratonga just bounced from the ground up to one of the floating fish to chain-bounce herself higher. And see how that fellow there tried to intersect one of the glowing orbs? Each color has a different score value and you have to touch them with some part of your body to score. When you land from a bounce, you'll have to run, like that fellow there, to the nearest cube, to bounce back up again."
The race coordinator had to stop her explanation of the rules at this point, due to a lady dark elf who was dressed like ... a Frostfell elf?! "Cubes are our friends! They are not for bouncing!"
"But that's their purpose in life! They're special Bristlebane Bounce cubes, and they are meant for bouncing!"
Tuning out the resultant argument, as the not-a-frostfell-elf got more insistent about the perceived "harm" to cubes, Agnor stepped up to the starting plate and began his first attempt at the race.
It was glorious fun. He was utterly abysmal at it, but it was glorious fun.
Six repetitions of the race later, all he had to show for his efforts were three pairs of gloves and three pairs of boots. He just couldn't reach the higher-scoring orbs. There must be some trick to it that he didn't understand.
Standing under a nearby palm tree, he studied the more successful bouncers carefully. They didn't seem to have any problems reaching the highest-scoring orbs now and then, and raking in the higher-reward pieces. At this rate, he might be here a day or two, just trying to earn a single appearance set, much less a second set!
Just as he was steeling up his nerve to approach some of the winners in hopes of buying some of the items outright, a turbaned desert nomad approached him.
"Size matters, my friend."
"Size matters!" He pointed at one of the bouncers, who was glowing from the impact with one of the orbs. "See how much bigger he is than you?"
"Yes, but what does that have to do wi-"
"He can reach the higher orbs more easily, and touch things to the sides that are just out of your reach."
"But that's not fair!"
"Life is not fair, my friend, but you should know by now that with magic, there is usually a way around such things. It is good that, I, Thorpe Bristlefizz, am here to help you, yes?"
"And how do you plan to do that?"
"I am a purveyor of fine limited-duration polymorph and illusion wands, of course! Illusions that are solid enough that they will convince the race orbs that you are larger than your diminutive coldain self, yes! Not that there's anything wrong with your size, mind you, but it isn't good for this race!"
Agnor pondered for several long moments, suspecting a trap.
However, once he watched a halfling run up and buy a wand, then use it to turn himself into an ogre, he decided to give it a try.
"This is only temporary, right?"
"Of course, of course, my friend! Thorpe sells many of these, yes? While it can last up to 12 hours for those who need such, it comes with complete instructions on how to dispel the spell early. You want, yes?"
"Yes, but do you have anything less, um ... trollish?"
"Of course, of course, my friend! You want to be big, strong barbarian, yes?"
Within moments, he was the proud owner of an illusion wand. He tapped himself with it, muttered the proper words ... and screamed like a big girl.
He was a barbarian, all right. A female barbarian.
A quick glance around showed that the wand seller had disappeared. Quickly, he opened the supposed removal instructions that had come in the wand box.
Agnor. Gotcha! Ye're nae getting out o' this that easily. Remember, twa sets o' th' courier outfit, then th' snack race in Enchanted Lands, then dinner wi' me at th' pub tonight. I'll bring th' means tae dispel the illusion. ~Mum
He was supposed to run around as a female barbarian all day?! This was going too far! Knowing how stubborn the flame-haired halfling could be, however, he suspected she would be more than willing to force him to stay like this even longer if he kicked up a fuss.
So, off he went to bounce and bounce some more.
It really was a lot of fun to bounce around. And smiles that were unlikely to be seen on his stoic coldain face did flit across his lady barbarian features a time or two, especially when he managed to chain-bounce his way up to the highest-scoring orbs.
By lunchtime, he was totally bounced out, but he had managed to obtain the desired outfits. Then it was time for a quick lunch, and several runs of the Snack Snatcher race.
By the time dinnertime rolled around, he was feeling a bit mellower, but still antsy about the temporary gender-bender. Soon, however, he'd be back to his old self again.
Mum was sitting at an empty table in the pub when he walked in. At her gesture, he stopped at the bar and ordered a pitcher of beer and a pair of mugs.
When he turned to head for the table, he noticed that Dalron, one of the city's most notorious ladies men was sidling up to Niami. Again. This guy tended to hit on her, every female not hanging on some man's arm, and sometimes even women who were hanging on some man's arm. He really hoped that this was the fellow Mum had said she was planning on pranking at dinner.
It couldn't happen to a better man.
Agnor totally forgot, for that one brief moment, that he was still in the form of a very curvy female barbarian. That was, until he heard what she was saying as he approached.
"Oh, that's jus' Agnira. Now, excuse me frae a moment, I need tae use th' ladies' room."
Agnira? Agnira?! She wouldn't dare sic that womanizer on him, would she?
As Mum scurried away, leaving a burdened "Agnira" torn between setting down the pitcher and mugs, and fleeing as if the hounds of hell were after him, he realized that she would.
"Here, let me help with that. A lovely thing like you shouldn't be doing such menial tasks." Dalron crowded up against him, the fumes from his strong cologne strong enough to knock out a horse. One hand reached for the pitcher, the other hand "accidentally" grazed "Agnira's" hip.
A feminine screech of fury turned mid-shriek into a bass growl of anger. Even that odd sound was drowned out by Dalron's shout as first the beer was dumped on him, and then the curvy "female" barbarian that he'd been about to put the moves on shrank down into one very short, very angry male coldain dwarf.
Mum returned to the table, giggling merrily as she watched Dalron overturn chairs in his haste to flee the pub. "Mayhaps THAT will cure him o' his wandering hands a bit!"
Agnor bit back several comments before adjusting his jester's cap and raising one eyebrow. "I believe you owe me a fresh pitcher of beer."
Bristlebane Day 2013 will run from 12:01 am PDT on March 29 through 11:59 pm PDT on April 11. There will also be one-day-only occurrences on April 1.
Welcome to Bristlebane's annual celebration of mischief, merriment and pranks! This year's festivities will include many returning favorites, as well as new achievements, a few new quest rewards, and one new recipe book.
In addition to the three returning recipe books from past years, the Bristlebane Day merchant in various city crafting societies will be selling volume IV of the "Perfect Serious Items to Craft" book. The primary ingredient for these recipes will be found in Jester's Gardens that can be harvested from Antonica, Commonlands, Darklight Woods, Frostfang Sea, Greater Faydark and Timorous Deep.
The new crafted items are as follows:
|Carrot Stained Pillow
||Dysfunctional Syrup Tap
|Festive Yellow and
|Festive Yellow and
|Mystery Meat Platter
||Oversized S'mores Skewers
||Totally Twisted Smokestack
|Folly of Mask|
* Recipe name is Brilliant Bristlebanesque Streamer, the end result is Brilliant Bristlebanesqe BannerReturning Bristlebane Day Crafted Recipes
|Blue Tinted Impressionist Painting
||Bottle of Dessert Wine
||Bottle of Fine Red Wine
|Carnivore's Carving Board
||Patterned Blue Pillow
|Patterned Red Pillow
||Red Tinted Impressionist Painting
|Strand of Bristlebanesque Lights
||Two-Story Halfling Ladder*
*Cannot be climbed as-is, but if you use the layout editor to pitch it by 15, it is climable.
|Bottle of Mischievous Port
||Goblin Lunch Box
||Halfling Serving Tray
||Jester's Festive Bowl
|Jester's Festive Cup
||Jester's Festive Plate
|Thief's Brass Cup
||Thief's Golden Bowl
||Thief's Golden Plate
There is also a bright green Mischievous Mask appearance item from this book.
||Head of Cabbage
||Goblin Tasted Apple
|Bowl of Party Dip
||Rivervale Butter Churn
||Row of Bristlebane
You will find Dreak's Tin Spike in the home city crafting society areas (North Qeynos, West Freeport, Gorowyn, Kelethin, New Halas, Neriak). The other ten items will be found down in the crafting instances (the cellar instances found in North Qeynos and West Freeport). The other collectibles are: fossil temper, dandy elm quill, abandoned tradeskill society ledger, wealthy alchemist's pocketbook, canine saliva tea, legendary pepper, fungus node, a homicidal forge, invisible alder bookcase, and pristine bonus.
For those who remember all of the above items, you will also remember when tier 6 common carpenter recipes were introduced, and we were given that super phenomenal recipe for ... a meat bucket. This meat bucket has now been lovingly reproduced in fool's gold as your reward for completing this collection.
Come one, come all, to Sinking Sands and the Bristlebane Bounce! Prepare to bounce around like a crazed pinball. Step on those glowing cubes to be bounced into the sky!
While the story above is very tongue-in-cheek, there is a grain of truth in there -- taller folk have an easier time with higher scores in this event. The larger you are, the more surface area you cover. The more surface area you cover, the more chances you have of actually intersecting/colliding with one of the scoring items. This isn't to say a smaller person can't pull it off, but it is easier if you are bigger. Illusioning into a larger race (a use for those petrified ___ eyes from collection rewards!), use any other size increasers that you have, and go to town. If you're a Qho addict, break out that Cloak of the Harvester, and use the clickie effect on it to make you larger. Yep, that's right, it doesn't just illusion you (which you can hide) into a rock or a badger, but it also enlarges you.
The prizes include your choice of one of the 6 pieces that make up the Bristlebane's Celebrative Courier set, a Merrymaker's Mask, a Bristlebane's Celebrative Courier Mask and a (no trade) Bovoch Matriarch house pet. (Which items you can choose from are based on your score.)
||Celebrative Courier Mask|
The "Ratical" quest from the Enchanted Lands docks has had a new appearance weapon added to the reward choices ...
The "Gnary a Joke to Tell" quest adds in a Petamorph Wand: Living Crate option.
The "Bristlebane Day Snack Snatcher: Enchanted Lands" adds a reward choice for a Bristlebane Day Madcap. In addition, there is a Bovoch Matriarch housepet (sadly, No Trade) now offered as one of the top rewards for both the Snack Snatcher and Bristlebane Bounce races.
|Bristlebane Day Madcap
||Bovoch Matriarch housepet|
April 1 is Bristlebane's High Feast Day. Expect the usual pranks, EQII style. Odd game messages about overflowing inventory, etc. Loot chests that look like living crates, one-day only quests (find the sphinx just off the Enchanted Lands Docks), special harvestable Jester's Superior Gardens in Enchanted Lands that carry harvestables from all world events, and even two locations for Frostfell crafting tables. (Sinking Sands Docks, and near the Wall in Enchanted Lands.)
Keep an eye out for any other limited-time specials ... such as the two Bovoch ground mounts on the Marketplace!