EQ Traders Corner

KA - Dirty Jobs

When Mum received word that the Queen of Maldura needed her help, of course she jumped at the chance to help -- once she figured out what to wear. After all, while the member of the Queen's guard who had sent the letter had seen her at her travel- and crafting-stained worst, and still treated her as someone of value, it couldn't hurt to make a better second impression, especially on the off-chance that she ended up speaking with the Queen herself.

Good dress robes it was, then, with matching leggings underneath.

Just in case it was going to take a bit of time, though, best to dust off her beloved Brewmaster's Backpack and stuff it full of food.

She felt pretty pleased with her choice as she carefully gathered pollen and crafted an imitation of the Chaos Stone. The ego-massage from the Queen and from Brytthel as she was told she was one of the only outsiders trusted with such a task while the fate of Norrath teetered precariously didn't hurt, either.

Then things started going sideways, and she found herself dodging enemy guards, rummaging in dusty libraries, clambering onto oversized tables, and in short, getting dusty and smudged. At least she rescued the Queen, though, right?

She reminded herself of that positive thought as she crawled ashore after being teleported into the Ocean of Tears. Maybe she'd be able to get the salt-stains out of her robes ... eventually.

Then came helping the goblins. After all, it was only fair that she help them in return for their help finding the adventurers that were running amok with the real Chaos Stone.

Once she finally convinced the pair on the beach that she wasn't dead, and she wasn't a vampire, and really, she wasn't dead, it wasn't anything too dirty ... much. The smelly herbs were unfortunate, but hopefully the stench would wear off.

Helping out in Twark, though, was another story.

EUGH. Slug slime. All over her hands, and her robes. And the smell! Oh dear sweet Bristlebane, that stench was enough to fell a meatbeast! She hoped Triptych knew a handy fumigation spell. Maybe it did have healing properties, but, gah!

Gathering up chokidai bones was a bit dirty, but she was starting to become resigned to the fact that the goblins, who were more in touch with nature, were going to make her regret bringing her favorite backpack, much less wearing her favorite robes.

Smelly goo from the river and chokidai poo, though? Ugh. Even she didn't want to be downwind of herself!

Rummaging through corpses to find herself a disguise that would work on the Greenmist iksar was just adding insult to injury. She didn't even quibble when she ended up having to crawl through a rockfall and dig around in an abandoned tunnel. After all, she was wearing a dead iksar's clothes at the time, and it was better than collecting more slug slime!

Then the elves had to get in on the act. First they sent her on a wild goose chase, expecting that their spell of forgetfulness would keep her from returning, then doing their dirty work for them.

Grubbing in the dirt looking for borer beetles wasn't even close to the worst of it, as they had her running around for soil samples, plant and fungi samples, and yes, more slug slime.

The worst came when she had to cram two smelly live slugs, that, together weighed almost as much as a young halfling, into her beloved packs. (Naturally, this required that she stop and have lunch first, to clear her backpacks of foodstuff, but she couldn't even appreciate it properly due to the stench that still lingered on her robes.)

Thankfully, it was mostly downhill from there. Even fishing through the goo in Dalnir's Crypt didn't seem so bad compared to carrying live slugs around. By the time she had to race the clock while performing some dangerous and tricky crafting involving powerful magic and lost gods, it was almost anticlimactic.

It was late evening when she finally returned home, along with her "new" companion in tow. Her now-freed gathering goblin (calling himself a gardening goblin) proudly carried a precious Obulus seedling and a spiffy new backpack covered in gardening tools. Compared to Mum, he looked the epitome of cleanliness.

Mum was filthy from head to toe, her robes had rips in them from close calls with ghosts and guards, and she stank to high heaven. Her temper was similarly frayed after chasing adventurers all over Kunark, and then having to prepare for the worst-case scenario after all.

And there stood Agnor and Gnormajean, all clean and pristine, wanting to know how her day helping the Queen had gone.

In response to their questions, she dropped the now-reeking Brewmaster's Backpack next to the compost pile, and headed for a bath. She felt she was exercising much restraint when all she said was "Enjoy th' earworm."

As the couple started first at her, then at each other, in clear confusion, the goblin began singing:

Ooh such a tricksy place, tricksy place
What have you done to my mind, Caelona
Oh you make me lose it all, lose it all
Got your spell eating up my mind, Caelona
Forgets you'se name, and you'se face, such the naughty elfs
forgets it all, from your spell on my selfs
nye nye nye nye-nye woo!

November 15 marks the release of the Kunark Ascending expansion for EverQuest II. Read more about the crafting and housing side of things here.

Created: 2016-11-15 12:51:08          
Last Modified By: Niami Denmother          
Last Modified on: 2016-11-15 12:56:14          

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